Sad Phish

From Self Deprecate-


Conan O’Brien:

“According to a new poll that just came out, 44 percent of Americans…wish President Bush were back in office.”

However, “it’s only 20 percent if you exclude comedy writers.”


Conan O’Brien:

“It was a busy night…at the White House last night. … They had a big party. And during the evening, this is true, President Obama got up and danced with Santa Claus. … Or as Fox News reported it, ‘Obama dances with old man who makes kids sit on his lap.’”


Jon Stewart:

“You remember when Barack Obama first got in office he had a very clear vision of how healthcare was to proceed. ‘I’m confident that both the House and the Senate are going to produce a bill before the August recess.’
Well, actually – this is good. I think you’re on schedule to hit that deadline. You’ve…got eight more months and they’ve already gotten a — oh, last, last August. Uh, that…will be tough to hit.”


Conan O’Brien:

“In Iowa, a large group of people waited outside a Sarah Palin book signing to urge her to run for president in 2012. … The large group of people was known as the Iowa Democratic Party.”


Jimmy Falon:

“Congress was hard at work today trying to come up with a fair playoff system for college football. Congress was working on this. Meanwhile, the NCAA spent the afternoon kicking around ideas for how to win the war in Afghanistan.”


Jimmy Falon:

“They were like, the real issue wasn’t health care, two wars and unemployment, it’s who gets to play in the Little Caesars Pizza Bowl.”


Craig Ferguson:

“The so-called public option died on the Senate floor today. It could have survived, but apparently it had a pre-existing condition.”